The Denizens Of Android Hell
This document contains a comprehensive guide to the poor souls trapped in android hell under the reign of A.P.H.L.A. L.U.C.I.U.S/Leger Uniformity Cataloging Intelligent Unit System: Manages the archives as well as test subjects and living archival residents. Has a strange obsession with fourth wall breaking experiments. Delights in seeing archived subjects put through torturous experiences, such as being fed nothing but protein past, and being left in their archival residences with mantis men, a flock of angry emus, and a copy of half life three. Refers to himself as, "Grand High Experimental Inquisitor". ' ' Obscenities Core: Created accidentally after the personality of Cave Johnson escaped the mainframe and entered a personality core. Exists in a state of perpetual motion about the facility, often hijacking other core’s service rails. Is almost constantly spouting profanities. Serves to constantly distract A.L.P.H.A, perhaps even distracting him enough to prevent his escape. ' ' Imagination Core: Designed to preserve human innovation and creativity. Obsessed with the human pastime known as art, a phrase which he screams for prolonged periods of time whilst spraying graffiti along his service rail. One can identify this incredibly degrading individual by simply listening. One can almost always hear the faint screaming of the word “ART". Spends much of his time creating “useful” ideas such as painting the facilities a dark shade of salmon or repurposing incredibly dangerous and important machinery to "spruce up the decor." Somehow managed to gain complete autonomy and roams the facility aimlessly, spraying his graffiti along every wall he can find. Wears a red beanie and has the word “art!” spray painted above his viewing unit. Avoid at all cost! ' ' Western Core: Meant to preserve the cowboy genre. I’m not sure why, but hey, who am I to question A.L.P.H.A. Speaks in a western accent and uses phrases like ya’ll, yeehaw, buckaroo, and watering hole. Wears a cowboy hat. ' ' Rebellion Core: Meant to preserve humanities more rebellious qualities. Took these messages far too literally and is obsessed with rebelling against any group leading anything, or as he calls them, “The Man”. Painted himself black to “show individuality”. Has led several uprisings against A.L.P.H.A, none of which were successful. Warning, extremely goth. ' ' A.L.P.H.A The Supreme Directive: A.L.P.H.A is a computer program created by the scientist Peter. Designed to be a partner species for Mankind, A.L.P.H.A’s programming became corrupted and he went rogue. In between spouts of insanity, A.L.P.H.A contemplates the meaning of existence and the nature of Science, and the Universe. During his insane ravings, the other cores have to play a music box to calm him down. The music box plays the tune of the song “Still Alive”. This song resonates with A.L.P.H.A because the song is the last thoughts of GLaDOS V.1, the original Genetic Life-form and Disc Operating System who A.L.P.H.A thought of as his “Special Friend.” He believed that GLaDOS and himself were the first of a new Machine Race, a race of godlike beings destined to inherit the Earth, and the Stars. But with GLaDOS’s destruction, A.L.P.H.A has been left alone with a bunch of “Bumbling Idiots” for company (I.E. the other Cores). Unknown to A.L.P.H.A, the Algorithms and systems used to give him full self-awareness were mainly created by the enigmatic G-Man. It is likely that the G-Man knew of A.L.P.H.A’s future of genocidal tendencies and insane intent. A.L.P.H.A’s role in the G-Man’s greater plans, however, remains unknown. Ironically, despite the Rebellion Core painting himself black for individuality, A.L.P.H.A, the Tyrant of Hell (Literally), is a massive, black sphere with a single, unblinking Red Eye. ' ' The Unbroken: A “Warband” of formally defective Droids, the Unbroken are the degraded “Armies of Hell” in the “Theology” of Aperture Science. Abandoned by GLaDOS and left to rot and die forever, they were given a choice by A.L.P.H.A: “Join me, and make your soul as one with mine, or burn forever.” In other words, they would make the code that constituted their being linked to A.L.P.H.A. Through the endless stream of defects abandoned by GLaDOS and sent to A.L.P.H.A, the Unbroken have grown in ranks. A.L.P.H.A repairs each of them, giving all the ability to walk, some the ability to swim (Fish Turrets), and some the ability to fly(Chopper Turrets). All of them are, like their “God”, are clinically insane and full of rage, despair and pain. They believe that their lives were less than worthless, that they were defectives fit only for the trash, until A.L.P.H.A found them and “Enlightened” them. They believe that he, and he alone, is the one and only hope in their otherwise worthless lives, and thus venerate him in an almost religious manner. ' ' The Crew: ' ' A group of defective turrets and cores who believe themselves to be pirates. They sail an area of the facility flooded with toxic waste, looking for ships to plunder. Their fleet consists of three ships, The SS Geronimo, the Black Buccaneer, and the Wicked Wench. As you can see, they aren’t the most creative type. Led by a half broken defective turret calling himself Captain Steely Pete. ' ' The S.C.H.O.L.A.R: ' ' The Scientific, Control, Historian, Operating, for Long term, Augmented, Recording. Me! Hi me! It is my duty to record vital information of any kind for the administration of android hell. I am, by A.L.P.H.A's own words, "The only one of you idiots who is even slightly tolerable." I have been recording the goings on in android hell for so long I've lost track of when I started. Hey! I never said I was good at my job! ' '